We are very serious and important. Interns unite! 10:57 PM

I have been in the weirdest frame of mind for about the last six months. I seem to remember being able to have feelings for people. I had crushes and stuff. None of them ever turned into anything. Then, I came into a drought of being able to work up the enthusiasm for anyone. It was so odd. I was wondering if this is just how it is to date people as an adult. You try to get to know someone before you get too invested, so you don't get your heart broken unnecessarily. Probably more importantly, you don't sacrifice the things you know you need from another person in order to fit yourself into the relationship. This is all very logical. I like it. I like orderly patterns and predictable outcomes. My professional life can be kind of crazy, so stability and the freedom to be selective in the company I keep is important to me. The whole problem with this is that it leaves you feeling dead inside. There's no spark in a mental pros and cons list about a potential relationship. It's bloodless and cold.

So, instead, I find someone who is wildly inappropriate and completely impossible. I live in a fuzzy and rosy world for a few weeks. I wrap myself up in feeling happy to have something to be happy about, and revel in feeling comforted and protected. Nevermind that I could certainly cause more harm than good. I feel the possibility of falling into this head first and getting crushed by it. Fortunately, I'm older now, and I don't get crushed easily. I'm just enjoying my life, and waiting for things to come to an end that will lead to affection and some good memories. It's enough to know that in different circumstances things may have been different. I guess being an adult leads to being comfortable with the "what if," and watching your life evolve.

So, I can have feelings, and they're good. At least I know that I'm not dead inside. I was afraid I would be empty forever. 10:27 PM

I am on VACATION!

I'm love my senior resident for letting me have Sunday off too. I could kiss him for it. YES! So far, on my vacation, I have slept and slept and slept, trying to catch up. I think I logged a hundred and ten or something hours last week. My call nights have not been exactly peaceful. I don't think I have gotten more than two hours of sleep on call in a while. The good news is that I'm going to Washington D.C. to visit my sister. I'll also get to see my boy, Craig, who is studying for his oral boards right now. We're going to drink beer and complain about surgery. I'm going to see Fred in Baltimore too.

Today, my buddy Pete came over and cleaned the carpet in my house, fixed my garage door, and either he or my neighbor mowed my lawn. I'm not sure what I did to deserve all of this, but I love it.

I'm in a great mood. I'm in my skinny jeans, and going to Liver Clinic at Doc Watson's with my colleagues and my best friend, Allie.

Surgery residency is EASY. 9:10 PM